Archive for Mid-life

A Little Help?

It’s a heartening validation of humankind’s capacity for good, when a spontaneous act to lend a little help is witnessed firsthand. Amid a stream of grim news and images from television, print, and web feeds, we occasionally stumble on small, genuine gestures of goodwill that lift spirits and restore a basic faith.

There are perhaps few better backdrops than a cold and blustery Canadian winter, to test for evidence that random examples of benevolence – by people unaware anyone is looking – do still exist.

  • The middle-aged man who throws his four-ways on at an intersection to get out of the car and assist an elderly pedestrian, struggling to cross in the cold, wind, and snow.
  • Two, bare-handed young men from separate vehicles, trotting over to push free the car of a woman stuck in the piled snow of the grocery store parking lot.
  • A neighbour, working his way up the street with a snowblower, to ease the burden of low-tech shovelers, heaping snow atop high banks.DSC_0004

While my wife and I toiled with shovels last weekend – clearing more than a foot of snow in the season’s first big storm – I got to thinking about winters of younger years, and of those yet to come. We’re both reasonably fit ‘fifty-somethings’, and at this point, we view the task more as exercise than an ordeal. But, it did make me wonder about what the future holds for an aging baby boom generation – of which I hold full and irrefutable membership.

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Growing up in a family, and among a collection of neighbours, teachers, and coaches, that shared a culture of treating elders with respect – these kinds of actions would not have stood out as being exceptional. Lending a hand, giving up a seat on a streetcar or bus, or addressing an elder as Sir, Ma’am, Mr., or Mrs. – was simply how things worked. The elderly of the day were more likely to be revered as a source of knowledge and experience. Assistance was a natural impulse and a conversation was an opportunity to learn and share, not an inconvenience or duty.

George Osborne – the late father of my best friend growing up – was a shining example of such deference. He not only expected the behaviour from his children, and their friends – he lived it. Come winter, it was son Dave’s job to clear snow, every snowfall, from the sidewalk of Mrs Hunter, the elderly widow who lived across the street. Not after his own walkway was done, but before. No money or gift for the deed was ever to be accepted. Mr. Osborne, himself – even in middle age and beyond – would give up his seat for an elder or the frail. And, he’d respectfully address anyone his senior, as Sir or Ma’am.

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In considering the demographics of today, and projecting the basic concept of supply and demand, it seems clear that courtesies and assistance of this type will be even more important as time, and a generation pushes forward.

According to Statistics Canada, the 20-year baby boom – from 1946 to 1965 – brought with it 8.2 million Canadian newborns. The trailing members of this wave are now in their late-forties, and those at the leading edge are pushing 70. Canadians aged 65 years and older represented 15% of the total population in 2011. By 2031 – when all boomers will have reached age 65 – it will be close to 23%.

Simple math suggests there will be more weak and elderly people struggling against the elements in the future, and a smaller pool of youth to get out of their cars to help them across the street. More people will be giving up vehicle licences to take public transportation, and fewer young people to offer up their seats. And, more elderly looking for companionship from a younger generation, to exchange stories and pass on experiences over a card game at the complex, and a fraction of the number of volunteers to engage them.

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The thing about random acts of kindness, I think, is that we tend to get more back than we give. The man at the intersection gains the warm satisfaction of having done a good turn and resolves to repeat it. The people pushing a car stuck in the snow are proud to have helped, and buoyed by the gratitude. The guy with the snowblower is happy to put it to good use and to get a chance to meet some neighbours in the process. The kid shoveling snow for the woman across the street learns something about respect and selflessness. And the young woman blocking time in her schedule to share a game of euchre and a glass of wine with seniors, gains the honesty and straight-shooting perspective of wise and experienced warriors of another time.

It’s refreshing to see evidence of a younger generation continuing the trends we may have taken for granted a generation ago. There is ample evidence in my family and friendship circles, to trust that the lessons of our parents, teachers, and coaches, have been successfully passed to a new generation. And that’s a good thing.

With the prevailing demographics, and a glimpse down the road that lies ahead, it seems a little help may have to go a much longer way.

 

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