Derrick Coyle
A long time ago in a far away land, King Paradox commissioned his royal subjects to construct a new castle in replacement of the original accommodations he deemed unworthy of his mightiness. Besides, Queen Astucious – the ruler of the Kingdom in The Valley – was said to be building her own new castle and Paradox was not one to be outdone in a competitive arena. “My castle will be completed first and stand far grander than anything built by Queen Astucious,” he declared.
After several months of carving and placing the massive stones of the foundation, King Paradox was shocked to learn construction of his castle had fallen behind that of Queen Astucious. Paradox was furious and decided to personally address his people so they would understand the importance of victory and redouble their efforts to ensure its achievement. Paradox knew his team was more skilled and refused to have his ambitions threatened by flaccid worker commitment. What he concluded to be flagrant disrespect, would require swift and decisive resolution. He hastily reached for his Tablet and composed a decree-mail (d-mail) flagged high-priority. In it he outlined a new protocol to take immediate effect, and he sent it to his team of castle project managers:
- At sunrise each morning the project workforce shall gather in the Coliseum where the King – in an exhibition of effective leadership and oratorical mastery – will personally lift the population to a frenzy of enthusiastic solidarity and productive compliance.
- Prior to sunset each day, and for the duration of the project, the General Manager and each Unit Manager will assemble in the Chamber of Accountability where they will report on the day’s progress and commit, on royal parchment, to minimum production targets for the following day. These assemblies shall henceforth be known as ‘production meetings.’
- AND FAILURE SHAN’T BE AN OPTION!
* * *
Balsturite, the Project General Manager, was interrupted at the job site by the sound of the Flintstone theme he had set as the King’s unique ringtone. When he finished reading the d-mail and returned the iStone to his belt clip, he was visibly troubled. Balsturite had recently left Queen Astucious’ kingdom to fill the vacant GM position with Paradox after the mysterious disappearance of Ineptus, his short-lived predecessor.
Queen Astucious had a fine reputation among her subjects and made the best of resources and their talents. Astucious was pleased with Balsturite’s progress and he factored prominently into her succession planning. It was with mixed feelings that Balsturite decided to leave the Valley and a job he quite enjoyed. But he was young and ambitious and found himself drawn to Paradox for an opportunity to work with a highly regarded labour pool and a Kingdom with a rich reputation for quality medieval construction.
It was from this perspective he chose to suppress his immediate concerns about the King’s directive, and the disruptive intervention it promised, in the hopes that sensibilities would prevail after a few weeks of the new program.
* * *
Through the first month of general meetings, the massive workforce walked despondently past an idle job site to gather at the Coliseum and listen to their King. Paradox wore his finest and most colourful silk robes as he delivered impassioned 90-minute sessions of eloquent rhetoric emphatically punctuated with grand theatrical gestures, from a magnificent podium high above the crowd.
By the time the first month drew to a close, there were growing murmurs of restlessness among the people as they endured the bombast in the sun’s intensifying heat while hearing the sound of steady construction echoing from the Valley of Astucious below. They became increasingly disillusioned as they forfeited productive hours of the morning cool to work well into the less than ideal conditions of the evening dark. The workforce began to cynically refer to the King as ‘Paradox of Assembly.’ Kingdom morale was clearly wavering.
The afternoon production meeting for project management was also creating concerns. Each day’s status report confirmed the Paradox castle was falling miserably behind that of Astucious. Individual managers were becoming defensive and territorial as Paradox’s impatience grew and pressure at the meetings increased. There were also inefficiencies in the production meetings themselves, causing them to run well past schedule and separate managers from their beleaguered teams for extended periods of time.
* * *
Paradox had appointed his young protégé, Narcissus, to Chair these meetings. Narcissus had long been bitter about his modest standing in the Kingdom and used these opportunities to monopolize conversation and sharply criticize those who dared challenge his view. For example, when Fastidious tried to explain that the base courses of foundation stone required extra time for the mortar to set to support the load of such a magnificent castle, Narcissus accused her of making idle excuses. Interruptus had a habit of barging in with points unrelated, often taking the conversation in entirely different directions. Narcissus was far too interested in pontification and bluster to manage the agenda and prevent it from running through the meeting deadline.
Throughout the first month, Balsturite remained silent but observed intently. Occasionally he would scratch entries in the notes feature of his iStone. He ruefully watched proceedings deteriorate further as Antagonista first shot a mischievous glance at Napoleon, who was known for a short temper, then quickly settled her gaze on the more conciliatory Placato. “It is Placato and his team that mix the mortar who bears the blame!” she asserted. At that point Kessassius glanced briefly at Narcissus to assess reaction before chiming in, “Yes, it is indeed Placato who has caused the shameful delay!” As Placato cringed at the betrayal and started to quietly explain, Interruptus pointed out that “forceful winds on the hill sire gentle breezes in the valley.” Kessassius glanced tentatively around the room, and carefully avoiding eye contact with Placato, cried out, “surely the winds have conspired against us one and all!”
“ENOUGH!” boomed King Paradox, causing Narcissus’ eyes to widen notably and the room to fall silent.
“For a month I have preached commitment and dedication on the heads of the people and in spite of the inspiration I provide, you report for the same month, the Castle of Paradox wallows in shame. I have equipped you with the finest of tools and labour, yet Astucious prevails with her meager resources and a mere shadow of my leadership.”
Then with a discernible rise in both volume and octave, “I demand an explanation forthwith from Balsturite who leads this floundering project and languishes at these meetings in impudent lassitude!”
* * *
The silence in the room could be cut with a rapier as all eyes shifted to their doomed leader, Balsturite.
Balsturite was at that moment posting a short note to his iStone and slowly lifted his eyes to meet the King’s piercing gaze.
“If it pleases the King to resist the folly of premature intervention, I shall offer three observations,” began Balsturite. “Each of which,Your Mightiness, bides at the very bedrock of your expectation for a castle completed first and standing far grander than anything built by Astucious.”
Twelve managers around the granite boardroom table, and two guards at the door (hands now firmly on their sword handles) turned their heads in unison towards the King in dire anticipation of events certain to unfold. The flush in Paradox’s cheeks crested while his eyes remained fixed on Balsturite. Kessassius – seemingly convinced his next performance scroll would be completed by a new boss – blurted impulsively, “off with his head!” Magnanimous, who was seated just next to Balsturite, winced in frightful anticipation as two warrior guards stepped forward. Flabbergastus, who in four score and seven years had seen no challenge like it, looked from across the table with mouth agape.
With a quick signal of his hand, Paradox waived off the approaching guards. The corners of Paradox’s mouth curled slightly, giving the vague impression of a wry smile, then quickly receded. “You are new here Balsturite and for the moment your head shall be spared,” he said.
Narcissus appeared mildly disappointed and Kessassius several shades paler, when King Paradox finally said, “Continue, Balsturite.”
* * *
With your indulgence, Your Enormity, I have observed for a month the fruitlessness of engaging ears while shackling hands and I respectfully request you permit me, in loyal servitude, licence to realize your expectations with the immediate implementation of recourse befitting of three tenets:
- Grand production in effect, demands unfettered production in deed
- Effective assembly fulfills the communicative objective while involving the least participants, on the fewest occasions, for the shortest duration
- Vigilant selection of trustworthy leaders promotes trust in the comportment of leaders so selected
Throughout the exchange, Parodox and Balsturite’s eyes were firmly locked. Ten of Balsturite’s direct reports stared at him with humble reverence. Kessassius averted his gaze, forehead beaded and glistening, hands fidgeting.
After what seemed like ages, King Paradox broke the excruciating silence:
“Very well, Balsturite, you shall have your chance, on the collateral of your head, to practice these tenets and deliver me the outcome you profess.”
“I am grateful for your generosity, King Paradox, and I assure you, your loyal servants will rejoice to lend their hands in building the castle worthy of your excellence, come sunrise.”
* * *
Many years later – at the Nobility Convention in a suitably ostentatious ballroom at the Royal York – King Paradox, coincidentally found himself seated beside Queen Astucious and took the opportunity to gloat profusely about his splendid castle – which was indeed completed first and stood much grander than the Queen’s. The Queen casually looked up from her Tablet and smiled coyly at the King.
“Yes … and it took Balsturite a Paradox of Assembly wrong.”
* * * * *