SilverFoxWise

Derrick Coyle

“Listen to your Head.”

“Follow your Heart.”

How often have we heard these philosophically divergent snippets, presented gratuitously by well-intentioned acquaintances in an effort to guide us happily down life’s precarious path?

Fortunately, the Head and Heart will occasionally align. If not on the exact same page, at least somewhere in the same chapter. It makes life’s decisions – big or small – much easier. Our choices may not always work out the way we’d hoped, but there is less soul-searching in their making, and likely fewer regrets to be had down the road – when something felt right and made perfect sense at the time.

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But the Head and Heart are not always in agreement. The organs have two distinct personalities and often a competing agenda. In the boardroom of personal choice, the Heart is the slick Sales Manager. Impassioned and convincing as it makes its case for that vacation the family budget doesn’t quite support. The Heart is sensitive, yet driven. It’s largely conscience-free while it vigorously endorses the romantic relationship about which the mind is not yet convinced. The human Heart lives for the moment. “You only go around once – I’m all in,” it says. “If it feels right, do it.” And, with a slight hint of impatience: “Now let’s close the deal!”

“Not so fast,” cautions the Head from the other end of the table and with the subdued countenance of a Chartered Accountant. The Head, you see, is more wary by nature. It prefers to weigh the pros and cons before a decision is made. Unlike the Heart, it also has a memory and a conscience. “Let’s think this through,” urges the Chartered Accountant in the boardroom of personal choice. “After all, there are things far more important to invest in than a red sports car.”

While Heart and Head exchange point and counterpoint in support of their respective interests, there comes an unexpected showing of Emotion – who is the uninvited guest positioned directly between Head and Heart, and who, incidentally, supplied the donuts. Emotion is unpredictable, coming and going as it pleases, but it is a powerful presence when it does show up. It’s fickle in its loyalties and can quickly switch allegiance. It’s the visceral influence at the table, confusing the Head on one decision, while it tricks the Heart on another.

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When there is a wide gap between the respective interests of Head and Heart – or when Emotion clouds the matter – the conditions for a poor decision are in place. Some of those decisions may be inconsequential, some life-altering. At the epicenter of the boardroom of personal choice, the gap may not be fully appreciated. Or, if it is recognized, it may be rationalized with the willing assistance of Emotion. That’s when it is often helpful to view the parts from a higher altitude. Like the advantage of watching a football play unfold from the aerial view. You see both the openings and the obstacles much clearer than does the running back – with football tightly tucked and direction shifting erratically as he desperately searches for ‘daylight’.

It’s under these conditions the objectivity of a wise and trusted perspective is an invaluable asset. A friend, a family member, or in some circumstances, a therapist – someone to view the whole from a higher level. There may be one such contact in a life or there may be several, but qualification for this position should not be taken lightly. Counsel from someone who falls short in either capacity – wisdom or trustworthiness – can bring more harm than good. The qualified Independent Consultant is a welcome addition to the discussion in the boardroom of personal choice. One such resource in my life shared words spoken to him by a friend of his own, bringing context to the subject of our discussion:

The biggest favour one human being can do another is tell them the truth, especially when it is the truth they don’t want to hear.

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Just like the formidable potential of the Sales Manager and Chartered Accountant collaborating for the common good, there is much to be gained in finding a happy balance of the objectives of Head and Heart. If not for the optimistic pursuits of the Heart, the Head may languish in the doubt that extinguishes passion and squanders the chance for that job you love. And, indifference to the Head’s misgivings over the romantic attraction of a lovestruck Heart, may lead to regrettable relationship choices and the unfortunate consequences often ensuing.

It seems the odds for smooth navigation may be improved by recognizing the red flags of potential trouble – when the objectives of Head and Heart conflict, or Emotion intervenes to distort reality – and drawing as necessary on the wise and trusted ally to help cut through the haze and add clarity to the decision process.

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Just then, Perspective, the meticulous Minute-keeper, laid down his pen with a smile. The Chair of the meeting glanced at her watch and said to the delight of the attendees: “thank you for your cooperative participation, we’ve reached a consensus and this meeting is now adjourned.”

With a courteous nod to Destiny – a late replacement for the querulous, Karma (off with the flu) – the Sales Manager and Chartered Accountant exited the boardroom of personal choice together. For the decisions of this day, Head and Heart are in complete agreement.

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